What if I said that there is a solution to everything? That nothing is fixed; that we can change anything about ourselves; and that we are never helpless. I think many of us would agree that may be true for something but not others. What things come to mind and why would these be different?
I think we can feel helpless when it comes to certain aspects of ourselves. Thoughts of “I will always/never be…”’, “the problem is I grew up in such and such a way and now I see things this way”, “I will always be angry at/when…”, etc. When we voice these thoughts, it can feel like there is a wall stopping us and nothing can/will ever change. On the other hand most of us would agree that we would not think “I will never be fit” because we know that if we did a bit of exercise and keep healthy, fitness of a certain degree is in our control. So why would we think for example, “I will always be a worrier” and that this is out of our control?
With these situations, it’s just that we often don’t know the tools to helps us change and may be unwilling to take the time to change. Just as getting fit requires us to exercise (and know what kind to do) and takes time, so does making changes for other aspects of ourselves. The first tool we need is to be aware; aware of our thoughts; aware of our feelings and emotions; aware of the outside world’s feedback. Once we have noticed, we can start to find the right tools to make the changes we want.
However, we do need to remain realistic about what can change and sometimes what we think we want to change is not what our focus should be on. As an example, I will never be tall (putting on high heels do not really count!) but I can change my perspective on how I think about height and be content with my current height. So in any situation something can change.
We are never helpless. We are in charge of ourselves, so let’s start being responsible. Let’s keep what serves and change what doesn’t. Why not be happy? It is within our control.
Piecing the puzzle of life 